Ye Olde British Cook: Quorn Cottage Pie

Woa, slow down! Cottage pie? How can that be interesting and delicious?

If you sit down on the counter and watch me for a second, you'll see.

To start with, the important parts are how flavours are infused into the vegetables, what goes into the mashed potato and how thick the final 'soup' will be.

Firstly, the use of Quorn mince rather than beef means that most of the great meat flavour has got to come from the stock. Normally, I would never substitute anything for meat, however, on this occasion, my eatitor (n. a culinary editor) doesn't like the texture of meat. Browned mince adds depth and thickness to the flavour of any stewed dish, and Quorn simply doesn't mature with heat in the same way. My plan involves doubling up the concentration of the stock to ensure that the result is still nice and meaty.

Second on the list of things to consider is the vegetables: onions, carrots, turnips, parsnips and peas. I want the parsnips and turnips to be the star of the show, hence the onions and carrots I'll be chopping much more finely.

The mashed potato, like the cream atop a cake, should be soft, creamy-to-buttery and smooth as soft meringue. No recipe would be complete without a secret ingredient, thus I will add a well grated nut of nutmeg to add a sweet, earthern spice to the cheese-laden delight.

Ingredients

Vegetables:

3 carrots: chopped into small pieces

2 turnips: chopped long-ways into quarters and then into three shorter segments

2 parsnips: halved, halved again and sliced thick

a half-punnit of small-cap mushrooms

2 onions: chopped into small pieces
peas

7-8 large potatoes

Meat:

None

Pseudo-meat which ne'er will rise to meet the awesome deliciousness of the warriors of King Bacon!:

2 packets of Quorn mince

Herbs and Spices:

1 nut of nutmeg

thyme

oregano

2 bayleaves

Cheese:

Yes please. A good block of cheddar.

Other:

2 beef stock cubes
corn starch

What follows is a cleaned up version of what I did, editted for tiny mistakes and ordering.

Start first frying the onions and the mushrooms in a bit of olive oil: the smell of good olive oil simmering should set you well in the mood for quickly chopping the rest of the veg. Once the onions and mushrooms are slightly brown, toss in the chopped root veg and the peas and cover the pot for 15-20 minutes (medium heat), opening to stir now and then. While that's going, start the mince: a dash of olive oil in a frying pan is enough, and don't worry about doing it all in one go; fry on high heat. If you keep the mince out of the fridge/freezer from the start it'll cook faster.

Between stirring the mince, boil a kettle with enough water for the stock (600-750 ml) and dissolve the cubes therein. Add the stock water to the pot and then add the mince.

Add the bayleaves, a teaspoon or two of thyme and the same again or oregano. Heat the mixture for 40-60 minutes. The veg will soften in the liquid and the mince will be absorbing its fair share, so don't hesistate to top up the water if it drops too low. When it's done, add a teaspoon of corn starch dissolved in a bit of warm water and mix well. Take off the heat.

Have water ready for the potatoes and skin, chop and boil them until they're a little short of being done; mash them, add a quarter cup of milk, a (un)healthy slab of butter and grate the nutmeg into the mixture. Add a cup of grated cheese and keep mashing until the whole thing is lump free and holds its shape.

While the mash is being done, the filling should have cooled. Laddle it into the cooking dish, remove the bayleaves and cover with the mashed potato. Dust, shower or deluge the top with cheese as suits you.